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It turned quiet now
toward the end of day --
the smoke lifting,
the air clearing.
The sound of a bird
in the muted void
of silent cannons and guns
that fired for a cause.
Under a dark azure sky,
opposing colored uniforms
are scattered on the field
united by common red.
Dreams ended here today.
Mothers, wives, and children
soon to learn their soldiers
are not coming home.
White crosses somewhere
will mark the memory
of the heroes who fought
on both sides of the fight.
Ages and ages later
visitors at monuments
will ask what it was all about
and whether it was worth it.
Then the flag will wave,
the band will play, and
a saluting boy will want
to be a soldier someday.
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--Submitted by George Wentz on 2011-05-24.
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nscott29@aol.com:
Nice start, but the poem drifts into generalities. We all know what happened at Gettysburg, but most of don't know details. Do some research and share some specifics that will get us to the last line.
Posted 06/30/2011 05:23 AM
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nadia ibrashi:
A confident start. Consider showing the sound of the bird ( i.e. a verb or metaphor), maybe one " ages" instead of two,also who fought the fight ( another word for fought or fight as they are too similar,)consider removing "then" and I suggest changing the poem to present tense for more immediacy.Lovely turn at the end.
Posted 06/03/2011 09:45 PM
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