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He performs his tasks under cover of a disguise
like some lowly nether world being
slipping in and out of other people’s homes
leaving sorrow and loss when he departs.
He feels no moral ambiguity.
Emotions he once had have long since died.
All that remains of the person that he was—
a hollow, unredemptive predator.
What kind of parents created the thief?
Are they like or unlike him in their thinking?
Is he a mirror image of those that spawned him,
reflecting their hatreds and twisted visions of the world?
Is there redemption for him? Or would he want it?
Stealing has become a habit as well as his livelihood,
his intermittent stays in prison merely a sabbatical,
a temporary intrusion on his rounds of other people’s lives.
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--Submitted by writerree on 2010-11-08.
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Phyllis Beckman:
reena heenan!
YOU showed the most attention to the open mic site, DARED to submit FIRST, and did the HERO'S journey for ALL WHO FOLLOWED! You did it before, and you can do it again! Submit again! You can do it, girl! I honor your COURAGE!
Posted 02/22/2011 12:08 PM
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David Cooke:
I do like the idea of a thief leaving things like "sorrow and loss". I wanted more thief and less of the voice in the poem which is distant and judgmental. The voice is not self aware and does not get us into the mind of the thief. Try rewriting in the first person.
Posted 11/15/2010 01:26 PM
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cbaustin:
I really like the concept behind this poem but it almost reveals too much...could be a little more opaque.
-Chris Austin
Posted 11/11/2010 09:37 AM
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Sarah Busse:
I think the strongest lines in this poem are the ones that admit ambiguity:
"What kind of parents created the thief?
Are they like or unlike him in their thinking?
Is he a mirror image of those that spawned him,
reflecting their hatreds and twisted visions of the world?
Is there redemption for him? Or would he want it?"
That last pair of questions, especially, is the moment for me where this draft opens into something larger.
Posted 11/11/2010 08:07 AM
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