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Don Juan Encounters Feminism
by
David Holper


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I

He says, Can I have directions?
She says, To where?
He says, To your heart.
Get lost, she says, and leaves.

II

He says: If beauty were time, you'd be eternity.
She makes a face and leaves.

III

He says, If I received a nickel for every time I saw someone as beautiful as you, I'd
have five cents.
She puts a nickel on the bar besides his sweating glass and leaves.

IV

He says, I am not drunk, I'm just intoxicated by you.
She groans and leaves.

V

He says, Do you have a map? I'm getting lost in your eyes.
You can't get lost when you're already lost, she says and leaves.

VI

He says, Most people like to watch the Olympics, because they only happen once
every 4 years, but I'd rather talk to you cause the chance of meeting someone
so special only happens once in a lifetime.
Watch this, she say, and leaves.

VII

He says, You're so beautiful that you made me forget my pickup line.
She says, Try "Hello." It works better.
He says, Hello.
Then she leaves.

VIII

He says, If I had a star for every time you brightened my day, I'd have a galaxy in my hand.
A galaxy? What you'd have is a vacuum, she says, laughing at him as she goes out the door.

IX

He says, Me without you is like a nerd without braces, A shoe without laces,
aSentenceWithoutSpaces
She gives him a hard look.
He sighs and leaves.
And she orders another gimlet.

© 2011 by David Holper.
Used with the author's permission.


 


David Holper has published one novel, The Church of the Very Last Chance (Deeper Magic Press), and four collections of poetry: Bord för En (Swedish for “Table for One”) (Broken Tribe Press), Language Lessons: A Linguistic Hejira (Deeper Magic Press), The Bridge (Sequoia Song Publications), and 64 Questions (March Street Press). His poems and stories have appeared in numerous literary journals and anthologies. David lives in Eureka, California, where he served as the City of Eureka’s inaugural poet laureate from August 2019-August 2021.  He loves that Eureka is far enough away from the madness of civilization, so he can still hear the Canada geese. Learn more about David at https://www.davidholper.com

 

 


Post New Comment:
Buckner14:
This is great fun. So anty-hearts-and-flowers in this season of velvet chocolate-filled hearts and roses by the hundreds. Bravo!
Posted 02/13/2012 12:43 PM
marenomitchell:
Love this poem! What a pre-Valentine day treat. So filled with humor that I couldn't leave, and had to read it.
Posted 02/13/2012 12:13 PM
LisaV:
Keep trying. Those are some very good lines. Someone will bite the hook.
Posted 02/13/2012 09:16 AM
mimi:
love this poem! the way he is the one to finally get up and leave...a definite smile for a Monday morning!
Posted 02/13/2012 07:29 AM


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