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Don Juan Encounters Feminism
by
David Holper


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I

He says, Can I have directions?
She says, To where?
He says, To your heart.
Get lost, she says, and leaves.

II

He says: If beauty were time, youíd be eternity.
She makes a face and leaves.

III

He says, If I received a nickel for every time I saw someone as beautiful as you, Iíd
have five cents.
She puts a nickel on the bar besides his sweating glass and leaves.

IV

He says, I am not drunk, Iím just intoxicated by you.
She groans and leaves.

V

He says, Do you have a map? Iím getting lost in your eyes.
You canít get lost when youíre already lost, she says and leaves.

VI

He says, Most people like to watch the Olympics, because they only happen once
every 4 years, but Iíd rather talk to you cause the chance of meeting someone
so special only happens once in a lifetime.
Watch this, she say, and leaves.

VII

He says, Youíre so beautiful that you made me forget my pickup line.
She says, Try "Hello." It works better.
He says, Hello.
Then she leaves.

VIII

He says, If I had a star for every time you brightened my day, Iíd have a galaxy in my hand.
A galaxy? What youíd have is a vacuum, she says, laughing at him as she goes out the door.

IX

He says, Me without you is like a nerd without braces, A shoe without laces,
aSentenceWithoutSpaces
She gives him a hard look.
He sighs and leaves.
And she orders another gimlet.

© 2011 by David Holper.
Used with the authorís permission.

Purchase a framed print of this poem.

David Holper has done a little bit of everything: taxi driver, fisherman, dishwasher, bus driver, soldier, house painter, bike mechanic, bike courier, and teacher. Currently, he†is a professor of†English at College of the Redwoods. In addition to all that useful experience on his resume and a couple of degrees to boot, he has published in a number of journals, written a collection of poetry, and been nominated for a Pushcart Prize.†David†lives in Eureka, California, and says, "Now that I am on the other side of 50, I am more concerned with facing death, coming to grips with the fact that I am now the older generation, and raising decent children (whom I hope will be even more incensed at the fallen state of the world than I am)."



New comments are closed for now.
Buckner14:
This is great fun. So anty-hearts-and-flowers in this season of velvet chocolate-filled hearts and roses by the hundreds. Bravo!
Posted 02/13/2012 12:43 PM
marenomitchell:
Love this poem! What a pre-Valentine day treat. So filled with humor that I couldn't leave, and had to read it.
Posted 02/13/2012 12:13 PM
LisaV:
Keep trying. Those are some very good lines. Someone will bite the hook.
Posted 02/13/2012 09:16 AM
mimi:
love this poem! the way he is the one to finally get up and leave...a definite smile for a Monday morning!
Posted 02/13/2012 07:29 AM


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