Something there is that doesn’t love a mall,
That sends me to do online shopping,
And forego the hell of giant parking lots.
I used to like buying from catalogs,
And in the long New England winters
Would comfort myself with dreams of
Nordstrom, Lands End and L.L. Bean.
Our laconic Yankee mailman would bring me
Packages, and I would open them with my
Yuppie Swiss Army knife.
Before I drive somewhere to shop,
I ask myself, “Can I do this online?”
And ponder the options. Hunt for a parking space?
Pay postage and handling?
Give out my credit card on the Net?
As my wise neighbor is fond of saying,
“Never pay retail.”

From Thank Your Lucky Stars (Moon Pie Press, 2011).
Used here with the author’s permission.